Don't look so glum, bro. If it'd been up to me, the only thing you'd be wearing would be those boots, and you'd be down on your elbows and knees fucking that cake.
Bo ShortsPhoto: Boxers full of cake in the back 7/29/23report
Face plant--place the cake on a bed with or couch with plastic sheeting underneath, then come up to the bed holding the cake at chest height, and trip into the cake and onto the bed. Do it!!