Total mess! Some ladies spend hours and hours and lots of money on products designed to make them look their best. You've done it better, and you've done it the fun way.
True! But I'm sure that you can understand how these things happened! After weeks at sea, having never seen a woman, suddenly they see, "The Face of an Angel." Now, if they'd had UMD in those days, it wouldn't have been so bad! They could see your pictures every day!
Oh, a phone condom strap? So does your phone always wear a condom? I tried telling that once to a lady, that it you put a condom on your phone you'll be fine, but she didn't believe me for one moment!