By this stage I had lost the suit jacket and was down to my long sleeve white shirt and iridescent tie, which had lost its sparkle by this point.

The bucket of porridge in which I had soaked my feet earlier was dumped very slowly over my head. If you have never tried warm porridge as a gunge material, I suggest you do. It clings and smothers you as it runs slowly over you and if warm gives an amazing sensation on the way down.

As Pat says at the end, it is the type of breakfast he enjoys.