I'm a young-20s British lad with a passion for a good old pie in the face.

It all started with a show called 'Toonattik'. Watching confident, muscular men turned into hapless stooges, taking their 'just desserts' with pride and gusto, left an impression. The blokes were always in chef whites, and from that moment, I knew: a pie and a chef's face were made for each other.

I couldn't shake the image. The fantasy was clear, I wanted to be that big, strong lad in chef whites, standing tall, chest out, ready to take his pie like a man. Every time I saw a bloke in chef gear, I thought: I wanted to be him, the guy everyone called "Chef," commanding respect. And then, without fail, the fantasy kicked in, a pie smashing full-on into my face, cream flying everywhere. The uniform and the pie? Inseparable.

Fast forward to today, after years of rugby and lifting, I've built the frame to match that fantasy. There's nothing like the feel of crisp chef whites hugging your muscles, as you step forward, heart pounding, knowing what's coming: a thick, heavy pie, smashed right in the face. The perfect, messy blend of anticipation and pure physicality, turning me into the big, hunky, pie-covered chef I always wanted to be.

But it's not just about the comedy or the sweet sting of humiliation. What really gets my custard pumping is the deep thrill the moment the pie hits, thick cream and crust covering my face, smeared nice and slow, making sure I feel every second. Whether it's custard pies, whipped cream plates, shaving foam, cakes, trifles, or a dollop of custard, I'm all in. "Yes, Chef!" they shout, just before slinging it down my chef pants, pouring it in my hat, and smashing it into my face.

There's nothing quite like seeing photos and videos of other lads decked out in chef whites, getting a good splatting. If you've never thrown on the uniform and taken a good pieing, you're missing out. Trust me.

Whether in chef whites or something else entirely, the thrill of that creamy splat never gets old. Pie me in anything--whether I'm suited up or stripped down--I'll be loving every messy second.

If pies are your thing, let's chat! Whether it's sharing messy stories, debating the best pies for a proper splat, roleplaying, or even trading recipes for the ultimate face full, I'm all in. There aren't many blokes who get this, so when we find one another, we've got to make the most of it. Go on! Step right up and take your pie like a man!