I am a gay transvestite whose biggest wam fetish is being plastered with real creme pies. Been hit in the face with over 2,500 of them. Maybe underestimating that number. Huge buttercreme cakes and if there was a thick mud pit I knew of, I'd would venture into that too.

I went to a bakery nearby me and they have the best huge pies. They are pricey but well worth it. Have gone there on many, many occasions the past five or so years.